the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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