Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
