I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
