I'm laying in your front yard are you home
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
