Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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