I cockslap morals
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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