google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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