Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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