Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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