Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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