my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize