I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
