just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
what is it with giant penises always finding me
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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