Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
so that wasnt chicken after all
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
