You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
