sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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