I think i peed on brittanys purse
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
