Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
