I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
