he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
