If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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