i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
