I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Randomize
