I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
