What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
