Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
