im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
40s are totally the cure
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
