Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
