i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
