u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
