So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
