The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
