i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
