Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
