Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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