I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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