The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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