my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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