I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
my vag is so smooth its legendary
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
