You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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