STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
