you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
