It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
