sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
