I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
4 words: hood of his car
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Randomize
