So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
