I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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