Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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