If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
