2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
