Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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