dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
