My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize