Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize