The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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