Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
