BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
