I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
