girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize