Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
And then my night got REAL pukey
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize