i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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