i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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