When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
