we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
