I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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